Big Shoe Diaries

KARL MARXXX KNOWS NOSE & ARTISTS I LIKE: JONATHAN BLUM, THE RABBI PAINTER

2012-03-18T14:00:00.000-04:00

Karl Marxxx here again, on my search for the best noses (and nose art) in the world.

Artist Jonathan Blum knows noses and he paints them quite well. I was strolling up 5th Avenue in Park Slope Brooklyn late last evening when I saw some snouts worth shouting about. Luckily for me, Jonathan was inside and invited me in for a closer look and a conversation about the beauty of that big phallus of a nostril container that greats like Michael Jackson couldn't even handle.

As I understand it, he was inspired by a particular Rabbi in Israel and started painting them-Rabbis. Once you get the Rabbinical schnoz down, the sky's the limit, quite literally as I realized Jonathan also likes playing with the space between the eyebrows and the hair line, lifting foreheads almost out of his painting....which got me to thinking...once I satisfy my nose craving, I may move on to foreheads. If in Brooklyn, check out Jonathan's storefront. It's worth a vist.

Rabbi Nose meets Bert Nose.
Foreheads reaching up....

Camel profile.

SHAMCOCK CUMSHOT

2012-03-17T15:43:00.001-04:00

Remember to drink responsibly tonight or this might happen to you. . . Happy St. Paddy's Day!!!

ONE IN THE HAND, TWO IN THE BUSH . . .

2012-03-17T14:10:00.001-04:00

. . . Or as close to the bush as these lucky shamrocks. Commemorate St. Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland with the help of authentic Irish redhead Max London, courtesy of the cheeky little lechercauns at Randy Blue. Grab your own shillelagh and start wackin'!

EIGHT DAYS A WEEK: THIRD TIME'S A CHARM

2012-03-17T07:27:00.000-04:00

You know what they say: third time's the charm. As some of you may have guessed, kindergarten has never quite completely left my imagination. There are too many fun things to do with a bottle of Elmers and a pair of lavender kid-safe scissors. Marvel as I learn to read for the first time . . . impressively assuming the voice of a middle-aged black gay jazz singer . . . while simultaneously filled with the mucosal bounty only March "Cherry Blossom" Madness can inspire: Wait no further, Chapter Three of Larry Duplechan's "Eight Days in a Week" is here for your aural and visual pleasure.

Don't fall asleep just yet. There are 61 more chapters to cum!

THE HUMPING PACT

2012-03-16T15:15:00.000-04:00

Tired of endlessly humping your pillow (or that boyfriend who just lays there like a pillow half the time), then put your futile fuck thrusts to good use by joining the Humping Pact. Conceived by artists Diego Agullo and Dmitry Paranyushkin, the Humping Pact, "is a suspended act of affirmative persistence. It is an aesthetic meditation on the human desire to believe in the futile and to conceive the impossible."

Agullo and Paranyushkin persist: "Our coming together is a tribute to dysfunctional spaces that still emanate creative potential. We attempt to build an intimate and personal relationship with space in the most efficient way, being loyal to its demands and dedicated within our efforts. We want to celebrate the human body that is convulsed by the desire to inspire."

To find out more, visit humpingpact.com.

Watch "The Humping Pact Trailer" below:

For more humping, including some man on machine close ups, watch this excerpt from an installation and live performance by Diego Agullo and Dmitry Paranyushkin of humpingpact.com.

A special thank you to BSD contributor Victor Jeffreys II for passing this link along.

THROAT COAT

2012-03-16T08:20:00.003-04:00

If it's not organic, it doesn't go past my lips. ;-)

I SEE PENIS: ROMAN DAGGER

2012-03-15T15:15:00.001-04:00

ASS-ASSinate your own DICKtator this Ides of March with a handy blade from Aceros de Hispania. Only 100 Euros!

BEWARE THE EYES OF MARCH

2012-03-15T09:15:00.001-04:00

Julius Caesar may have done more than any other man, save Jesus Christ and Hitler, to shape the course of European history. Caesar conquered Gaul (present-day France), reformed the rule of law to cover all citizens of the Roman Republic (not just Italians), and helped precipitate the collapse of the Roman Republic into the Roman Empire (ruled by a long line of God-Kings) by seizing power as Rome's first Dictator for Life. On March 15th, the "Ides of March", the "for-life" bit came to a quick end as Caesar suffered a sure death from 23 stab wounds, compliments of Roman Senate.

While there are plenty of daggers to entertain your cum-lust in "The Conquest", a historical porn drama courtesy of Falcon International, an Ides Orgy didn't make the cut. With coverboy George Vidanov in the line up (David Hasselhoff doppelganger and frequent source of inspiration for the young Colby) who needs historical accuracy. He can stab me in the backside any day of the month. Add 22 of his friends and I'll even let him TOPpel my DICKtatorship. Coup d'etat!

Watch "The Conquest" starring 90s cockthrobs George Vidanov, Janos Volt, and Robert Balint HERE.

SIGH, PIE. . . SMART TART?

2012-03-14T20:46:00.000-04:00

Porn stars (and porn supporting cast like yours truly) have earned a reputation throughout the ages for many things. Smarts hardly top the charts. While I can usually fight my way through the complicated packaging of a Magnum wrapper, the Little Debbie cherry pie box above utterly confounds me. If you wanted to know how porn stars keep off the pounds now you know our secret.

In honor of MATH, and that perfect little miracle, the circle, I will put down the processed sugar for now and direct you instead to one of my favorite blogs: Piefolk. Boys, naked (or nearly so) baking. Throw in a dash of existential conversional poetry and you have everything a good slice of pie can offer, except the added weight. At least I'll keep telling myself that. Save the cherry filling and fill up on this instead:

BSD's very own Minister of Propaganda Karl Marxxx hard at work crackin' eggs.

I SEE PENIS: BLACK SEA MAN SEED AT THE SEED SAVERS EXCHANGE

2012-03-14T16:12:00.000-04:00

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried people. BSD Reader Craig was planning his garden when he inadvertantly came across some Black Sea Man seeds that made him wonder if he was on a gardening site or had accidentally clicked a link from a Manhunt ad. Regardless, it's an outstanding find and of course, USDA Organic certified.

HAPPY PI DAY!

2012-03-14T13:22:00.000-04:00

Everyone knows that I love pie. But did you know that I also love Pi! Not only is it one of math's great wonders, but it's also Aronofsky's best film. Enjoy 3.1415....of your favorite things today!

NANCY GRACE'S BUBBLE BUTT

2012-03-13T16:21:00.001-04:00

There may be few things in life more enjoyable than watching CNN's favorite courthouse clown Nancy Grace utter the fine words "Mo' Bubble Butt" and "Humping Iron" live on TV. To see just how she arrived at such an eloquent rejoinder, watch her re-dunk-ulous ba-dunk-a-donk interview with embattled former porn performer Colin O'Neal below:

I SEE PENIS: CARROT TOP

2012-03-13T10:45:00.000-04:00

The wabbit is back, this time with a colossal carrot. . .

BOYS WITH BEARDS: DISNEY EMPLOYEES

2012-03-12T15:50:00.000-04:00

Folks may have already heard about the more permissive facial hair policies for male employees (females will likely still be required to wax with Cinderella or thread with Jasmine), but I for one can't seem to find any photos of bearded male Disney park employees online...yet. Has anybody been recently? Or does anybody work there that can snap a pic or two our newly bearded Disney brethren? Send to bigshoediaries@gmail.com if you find anything. I have a feeling that the mustachioed himself Mr. Disney would approve.

For your reference, here's the new policy:

For all male Cast Members, a fully grown in, well-maintained mustache, beard, or goatee is permitted, unless otherwise restricted by regulatory codes and standards. Facial hair must be neatly trimmed and may not present an unkempt appearance. Extreme styles are prohibited.
All facial hair (beards, goatees and mustaches) must create an overall neat, polished and professional look.
All facial hair must be fully grown in, neatly groomed and well maintained at no longer than a quarter of an inch in length.
Mustaches may extend below the corners of the mouth to meet with the facial beard.
Shaping the mustache or beard to a particular style is not permitted.
Mustaches (without lower facial hair) must not extend onto or over the upper lip and must extend to the corners of the mouth, but not beyond or below the corners.
Cast Members without a mustache, beard, or goatee are expected to be clean-shaven every day.
For clarification on whether a mustache, beard or goatee is acceptable, please consult your area leader or contact the Cast Image and Appearance team.

COLBY AS TOURIST: NEWBURGH ON THE HUDSON

2012-03-12T07:39:00.001-04:00

Newburgh may be the murder capital of New York State but it also boasts one of the few living decedents of the only known remaining Liberty Tree in the world. Liberty Trees were mythically charged sites of civic assembly important to colonists rebelling against the British Crown during the American War for Independence. Because of their symbolic importance, most were destroyed by invading Red Coats. The tree above descends from a humble seedling collected from the last standing Liberty Tree, located in Annapolis, Maryland.

On a recent trip upstate to shoot porn for Ray Dragon, I skipped down main street (which closely resembles large parts of the Bronx), to George Washington's encampment on the Hudson, site of the little known Newburgh Conspiracy. Near the end of the war, soldiers in Washington's Continental Army nearly mutinied after years serving the colonies without pay. Washington appealed to his officers to accept the legitimacy of the Continental Congress and agree to a compromise of 5 years at full pay instead of a lifetime at half pay, as requested.

In addition to snapping a photo at Newburgh's Washington monument, I managed to see a groundhog (no photo), a dead coyote, and lots of abandoned store fronts. If only Georgie boy could see what paying people less than they deserve eventually leads to. . . Can I get an amen?

Washington's HQ on the Hudson. Washington occupied Newburgh as the British occupied New York.

I'm a big fan of real life names only a YA novelist could imagine: "The Last of the Life Guards: Uzal Knapp"

Monument to the "Disbandment of the Continental Army"

A fey GW

One of Newburgh's many stunning downtown store fronts.

Yum. Dusty soccer cake.

HAPPY HAIRY PALM SUNDAY!

2012-03-11T19:25:00.000-04:00

You know there is always a little bit of truth behind every old wives tale. BSD Minister of Propoganda, Karl Marxxx spent all of Palm Sunday cumming to the New Jerusalem (at least 9 or 10 times did "let that river run!") and look what happened!!!!

JUST KIDDING....it's a BABY PANDA!!!

Now that we know Herr Marxxx's penis isn't that hairy, let's let Carly Simon take us all to the REAL New Jerusalem. Happy Hairy Palm Sunday!

KARL MARXXX KNOWS NOSE: BRENDAN FROM TORONTO

2012-03-11T12:10:00.005-04:00

Like many big-nosed brethren, Brendan from Toronto suffered at the hands of others until he realized that big is beautiful-especially when it comes to a handsome, pronounced nose. He who laughs with the biggest nose, laughs longest..

"i happily submit my nose to your scrutiny. my nose has been the butt of many jokes and was the subject of much teasing when i was a wee lad, but i've grown to appreciate its presence on my face. i wouldn't be me without it."

And the Nose have it!

COLBY DOPPELGANGER: JAWLINE DOUBLE

2012-03-11T08:12:00.001-04:00

Frequent BSD contributor and LMFAO doppelgänger Victor Jeffries III found this eerie Colby Keller impersonator walking the mean streets of NYC. The lips, the unkempt 2 day scruff, that curvaceous, supple jawline, those Czech chipmunk cheeks: it all fits. If only we could see what's lurking below the belt. . . Victor: Get on it!

I SEE PENIS: PINOCCHIO

2012-03-10T15:24:00.002-05:00

I have a HARD time believing this I SEE PENIS is for real. . . It was the 40s though, so who knows. Thanks to blog reader "M" and my new favorite tumblr "Zenfancy". If you love men in posing pouches, random photos of African tribesmen and the occasional 70s heartthrob holding a cat, you'll love Zenfancy.

GRIFFITH OBSERVATORY GLAMOUR SHOTS

2012-03-10T09:13:00.002-05:00

On a warm, crisp day earlier this week I trekked up to the Griffith Observatory in LA to take in the sights and pose for a few glamour shots. Not only could I see all the way to the ocean perfectly (no small feat for smog ridden LA) but I think my vision actually may have improved. Leave it to Southern California to make me bigger, better and more beautiful, even when I'm not trying.

CHAPTER TWO

2012-03-09T20:00:00.001-05:00

I know. The suspense must be killing you. Chapter two is here!

I SEE VAGINA: PURIM

2012-03-09T13:56:00.000-05:00

If you saw me masquerading around yesterday looking like an ancient Persian princess, don't worry. I was just do my religious duty. Hamantaschen (pictured above) are one of my all-time favorite pastries, especially the poppyseed variety. Typically you can find hamantaschen year round in any kosher bakery, though the pastries specifically commemorate Purim, the Jewish holiday celebrating the deliverance of the Jewish people from the evil machinations of the Persian court vizier Haman by Queen Esther. It's a bit like Jewish halloween, where children are encouraged to dress up as characters in the story. While the cookies may have a decidedly vaginal quality, they don't represent the virtuous Esther, but actually refer to the evil Haman. Hamantaschen means "Haman's pockets" though in some parts of the Jewish world they are referred to as Haman's ears. Evil, apparently, is the special ingredient. Poppy's seed has never tasted better.

GUARANTEED RELEASE WITH SPEEDY PENETRANT

2012-03-09T08:25:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when you're looking for release, you need a guarantee. And there's nothing like a speedy penetrant to get the job done for you. An excellent find from BSD reader Richard's dad's tool shelf.

I SEE PENIS: GAWKED ON ETSY

2012-03-08T14:01:00.000-05:00

It looks like I'm not the only one out there looking for penis. Everyone knows I love a good-hand crafted phallus, but Gawker has put together an excellent list of 12 of the best crafted cocks you can find on Etsy.

SEXY NOSE NO BOUNDS!!!

2012-03-08T10:38:00.002-05:00

The first entries for our new "sexy nose" series are already in. Check out this BEAUTIFUL titan of a honker from Big Shoe Reader Kevin. Mmmmm...what shape, what curves, what girth!!! It's sexy and it nose it.

We're still trying to figure out what to call this series and there have been some suggestions:
"Nasal and I know It"
Probosciseses
Who Nose?
Schnozapuhleasea

We're still taking suggestions so keep brainstorming and let us nose if anything comes to you.

WHAT A BIG NOSE YOU HAVE!?!?!

2012-03-07T18:34:00.003-05:00

I admit it. It's true. Big noses turn me on. I like long noses, fat noses, broken noses, Roman noses...basically any noses with distinction or difference and I get instant wood. And I've decided to bring my passion to the blog, with your help of course. I'm looking for the biggest and best-est manly noses out there.

Just like Guys with Glasses and Boys with Beards, I'll need your help finding them. So send your snout pics to me, Karl Marxxx @ lawntattoo@gmail.com and let's share in some mutual nasal nymphomania. Also, if you think of a good name for this series, post it in the comments.

THE REAL PORN STARS...OOPS, I MEAN HOUSEWIVES...OF DISNEY

2012-03-07T12:52:00.002-05:00

If you've ever enjoyed one of the tragic renditions of the most popular reality franchise on Bravo, then you'll love SNL's send-up of it..."this season is even more animated."

I SEE PENIS: CADDYSHACK

2012-03-07T08:10:00.000-05:00

SCHWING!

COPS AND DADS IN NEED OF CASH. . .

2012-03-06T15:00:00.001-05:00

If you forgot to donate to "Friend of Colby" Justin's new zine project "Cop Dad" and would like to throw a spare dime or two his way, don't forget to click on his Kickstart page before it's too late! 24 Hours to go!

BONOBOS: PANTS FOR EVERY SOCIO-SEXUAL SITUATION

2012-03-06T10:00:00.006-05:00

Is it just me or are the butts of American men looking a little bit tighter these days? Well, according to studies, Americans continue to become less fit so it probably isn't my perception that's changing, but it may be the newly popularized cuts coming from the "newish" clothing company, Bonobos.

"Bonobos" is an interesting name choice and I think it's quite intentional that sexual intercourse plays a major role in Bonobos society. Additionally, I'm sure the marketing team spent hours in board rooms discussing the allopatric speciation that led to the evolutionary distinction between bonobos and chimpanzees and likened that natural evolution to the ever-expanding divide between urban-sexual (ie. metrosexual/gay) men who care about they way in which their ass is presented in society to the pleated pants-wearing Neandarthals who seem to like Santorum.

I haven't tried any on myself yet, but I do have a nice fitting pair of khaki slacks that I've started telling people are Bonobos when they politely mention how fit I look in them and everyone nods encouragingly. Perhaps it's time for more of us to don ass appearance friendly pants and "penis-fence" and "rump rub" as often as the bonobos do to keep everything on the up-and-up.

"Sexual intercourse plays a major role in bonobo society observed in captivity, being used as what some scientists perceive as a greeting, a means of forming social bonds, a means of conflict resolutions, and post-conflict reconciliation. Bonobos are the only non-human animal to have been observed engaging in all of the following sexual activities: face-to-face genital sex(although a pair of Western Gorillas has been photographed performing face-to-face genital sex), tonge kissing, and oral sex. In scientific literature, the female-female behavior of touching genitals together is often referred to as GG rubbing or genital-genital rubbing."

"Bonobo males occasionally engage in various forms of male-male genital behavior. In one form, two males hang from a tree limb face-to-face while "penis fencing". This also may occur when two males rub their penises together while in face-to-face position. Another form of genital interaction ("rump rubbing") occurs to express reconciliation between two males after a conflict, when they stand back-to-back and rub their scrotal sacs together."

* The final two quotes were lifted from the Social Sexual section of the Bonobo entry in Wikipedia.

I SEE PENIS: QUEEN'S WORF

2012-03-05T13:00:00.000-05:00

Two I SEE PENIS posts in one day!?!?!?!?! Either I'm scraping the bottom of blog idea barrel, or it's Monday and I think we could all use some more penis. Regardless, Big Shoe Reader Kieran B. submitted the above photo of the Queen's Wharf Tower in Newcastle, Australia--wait, I thought Newcastle was in England--what gives?. Anyway, I don't really know what a wharf but I do know what a Worf is and thus I present my I SEE PENIS response of a manned post of the Federation (of clip-board queens no doubt), Worf and his throbbing penis forehead. Queen's Worf indeed!

I SEE PENIS: DOUBLE VISION IN RED GLASS

2012-03-05T11:17:00.000-05:00

Big Shoe Reader, John submitted this photo for the I SEE PENIS collection. Let's use this as a reminder to brush two or three times daily, and don't forget to floss!

COLBY DOPPELGANGERS: THE HEFNER BOYS

2012-03-04T15:26:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite Tumblr accounts has noticed a striking resemblance between me and the Hefner boys. Given my current occupation, I wonder if I wasn't switched at birth. Hugh, it's me, you're long lost son. When can I move into the Playboy mansion? I promise not to hit on any of your girlfriends.

BRAVE NEW TOY...

2012-03-03T13:11:00.002-05:00

...for a Brave New World.

KICKIN' BACK

2012-03-02T16:34:00.000-05:00

Colby kicks backs at a Charlotte area Cracker Barrel on a recent trip down south. Hee Haw!

I SEE BEAVER: THIRSTY BEAVER SALOON

2012-03-02T09:32:00.000-05:00

Charlotte's own "Thirsty Beaver Saloon".

EIGHT INCHES, EIGHT DAYS A WEEK

2012-03-01T16:21:00.000-05:00

As you might expect from a po' ass po'n star like me, I LOVE free things. As many of you already know, I also like books. There may be no greater thing in the world than free information (expect maybe free food and shelter). In just such a spirit of FREEdom (and in honor of an extra "free" Leap Day), I decided to make a pilgrimage to the Baltimore Book Thing, a complimentary repository of printed matter, available to anyone who makes an effort to peruse the shelves of donated paperbacks and German language textbooks to find that one gem lost in the stacks: take as many as you'd like for free, no strings attached. If you can donate a few along the way, even better.

Despite its convenient location a few blocks from Johns Hopkins University, the LGBTTQ section leaves much to be desired. With only four slim volumes on feminist political theory to keep it company, "Eight Days A Week" desperately clawed for my attention. An appropriate title to find on an "extra" day after all right? Even more appropriately, the cover smarts a handsome looking Nordic doppelgänger by the name of Keith Keller. If there was one erotic novel meant for me, this might be it. With 64 short chapters and some promising pre-AIDS sex scenes, I've decided to read the entire book. . . to you! Every 8 days, I'll try to release a new chapter. I can't promise much bang for your buck, but then again you're getting this for free. Just like me. ;-)

Chapter One:

I SEE PENIS: LONGER HOURS, LEGENDARY SERVICE

2012-03-01T07:58:00.001-05:00

The competition for cutest canine I SEE PENIS gets one candidate tougher with this contribution by America's Most Convenient Bank.

To pick your favorite candidate, check out the other contenders: a serendipitously marked Jack Russell terrier and a fluffy phallic Llasa Apso.

A LONG WAYS DOWN

2012-02-29T18:21:00.002-05:00

With eyes on Jersey, Colby contemplates taking a leap. . .

Haha. Just kidding. Happy Leap Year! Use your extra day to jack off with me on Randy Blue Live!

COLBY KEEPS TIME

2012-02-29T07:27:00.000-05:00

One . . . Two . . . Three . . . 29! I love freebies, especially when they consist of that most precious thing of all: time. Thanks to Pope Gregory XIII, we can all count on 24 extra hours of life this 2012. I personally will spend my holiday making small leaps, skipping in a circle. What about you?

Start off the festivities right, with this randomly slapped together mix of "time"less songs. For every extra hour of the day, you get one song. If you listen to the WHOLE thing, you may just get 24 centimeters. ;-) For those of you who can handle the math, it's true. I grow an extra inch every Leap Day.

1. "Waste of Time", by YACHT

2. "5 Years Time", by Noah and the Whale

3. "Better Times", by Beach House

4. "Time of the Season", by the Sweptaways

5. "Time That Bald Sexton", by The Danielson Familie

6. "Hit Me Baby One More Time", by a random assortment of Russian babushkas

7. "Every Time I Feel the Spirit", by Diana Ross & The Supremes

8. "Vowels = Space and Time", by Grimes

9. "It Takes Time to Be a Man", by The Rapture

10. "First Timer", by Elliot Smith

11. "Train Time", by Forrest City Joe

12. "In My Own Time", by Karen Dalton

13. "We're Going to Live for a Very Long Time", by Heaven 17

14. "The Time I've Had", by The Broadside Singers

15. "Time to Pretend", by MGMT

16. "Time After Time", by We Have Band

17. "The Times They Are A-Changin', by Nina Simone

18. "Run On For A Long Time", by The Blind Boys of Alabama

19. "No Time", by The Juan MacLean

20. "A Clock Without a C", by Barry Louis Polisar

21. "Time of No Reply", by Nick Drake

22. "Time After Time", by Chantal Chamberland

23. "Rap O'Clock", by Plastic Little

24. "Long Time Gone", by Bachelorette

COLBY DOPPELGANGER: BUTTHEAD OF THE MONTH

2012-02-28T13:55:00.001-05:00

BSD reader Fredo spotted this Colby Doppelganger in the back pages of Butt Magazine. "Nick" (born 1989) lives in Chicago. His profile simply reads: "Cool. Calm. Collected. Okay, maybe I lied."

Nick can now claim "Butthead of the Month" AND honorary lil' bro status. I think it might be time big brother does some belated babysittin'.

I SEE AMERICA: BATMAN

2012-02-28T07:52:00.001-05:00

America the Rainbow: Soil Moisture Regimes of the Contiguous United States

Just in case Mitt Romney loses Michigan today and the GOP comes knocking at my door looking for a last minute replacement, the Colby Keller Campaign for President already has a slogan: Vote Colb: I C America.

A few nights back, in the middle of a pretty intense wank session on Randy Blue Live, I heard a strange noise outside my apartment window. After a quick cumshot, I threw on my long johns and boots and went outside. What should I discover bursting from my building's brick wall? A freshly painted graffiti Batman: outstretched cape suspiciously resembling the contiguous United States.

An omen perhaps? Remember Colby: America sees you too.

RUB A DUB BUD

2012-02-27T15:29:00.001-05:00

Rub a dub dub, three Buds in a tub (and one sad Colby). Remember to wash behind your balls boys.

BOYS WITH BEARDS: KEVIN LOVE'S ALL-STAR FACIAL HAIR

2012-02-27T07:00:00.001-05:00

I'm sure most everyone was watching the Oscars last night and got to enjoy the beard of Director Michel Hazanavicius. But in case you flipped channels or are an avid sports fan, then you know the NBA strike led to an All Star conflict last night pitting the NBA East/West All Star Game against the Oscars. Now, we here at Big Shoe Diaries won't tell you which one we were watching, but as fans of all different types of beards, you can imagine that our thumbs (and wrists) are sore this morning. May we introduce you to Kevin Love? Uhm...I think he's a wolf.

I SEE PENIS: SARAH PALIN'S ALASKA

2012-02-26T08:07:00.001-05:00

Beautiful Wasilla has a lot to recommend it: unspoiled Alaskan wilderness, feisty showboat former governors and a fine tradition of brushed-steel sign art. If your sign were this big you'd want to spend all day rubbing it too.

I'm told by BSD reader Brian that the sign actually depicts a dog-musher and his team of Malamutes. You be the judge. ;-)

VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN

2012-02-25T20:05:00.001-05:00

When a local politician comes a'knockin', stoked for votes, Colby cums prepared with a ballot box and his own special mandate. Watch gr-ass roots politics in action; Cast a vote for Colby. Check out my latest skin flick: Neighborhood Rec Room by renown director Joe Gage.

I pop up at about the 2 min mark in the preview.

A DEAD MORMON IS A GAY MORMON

2012-02-25T08:04:00.001-05:00

While it looks like Mit Romney's chances of winning the presidency get slimmer every day, he's not dead yet. When he finally does shuffle off his mortal coil, he better watch out. A new website has a simple app that allows users to turn any dead Mormon gay for eternity. The site riffs off the practice of "baptism for the dead", a Mormon sacrament that allows living church members to baptize the deceased. The church notoriously incurred public condemnation for the practice after baptizing Jewish victims of the Holocaust, including famous "Diary" author Anne Frank.

If you'd like to help the formerly living enjoy the posthumous pleasures of same-sex lovin' simply pick your favorite dead Mormon or click a random genealogy generator to do the trick for you. Turn bones into boners HERE.

HUNK WITH HANDLEBAR: BARRETT

2012-02-24T15:50:00.001-05:00

As you might already know, blog reader Barrett enjoys doner kabob as a late night snack. I personally enjoy spit roastin' my meat any time of day or night. This "Stud with Scruff", and now "Hunk with Handlebars" (pictured above) grew up in Novia Scotia but currently calls Canada's largest city, Toronto, home. He's a trained actor who loves comics, fantasy/historical fiction novels, biking and the outdoors. He's also single. So put on your tennies, pack up your camping gear, and grab your superman jockstrap. Barrett wants to share his kabob with you. ;-)

I SEE PENIS: DONER KABOB

2012-02-24T09:30:00.001-05:00

Blog reader Barrett grew up in Hailfax where the late night specialty is doner kabob (also know as gyro, shawarma, or al pastor depending on the specific regional cultural cuisine in question: doner (Turkish), gyro (Greek), shawarma (Middle Eastern), al pastor (Latin American)). On a recent trip home, he discovered this inspiring hunka' meat at a late night hot spot. Obviously Barrett wasn't the only one with beef on the brain.

On a trip to visit an ex in Ontario, Barrett discovered a portable shaved meat kit in a local shop. Not surprisingly, even rural Canadians loves their shaved meat stuffed in a warm pita. And who wouldn't?

Pass the tzatziki!

KRYPTO-DISCO-NITE

2012-02-23T16:53:00.004-05:00

Jealous much Mr. Disco Ball?

Redolent of twin 70s pop-phenomena "disco" and "Superman", sculptor Jonathan Armistead and fellow artist Scott Andrew built "Glimmer" to accompany their upcoming thesis shows. Next month I'll have the great honor to sit on Jonathan's final graduate advisory committee at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. I offer only one request in return: that Jonathan produce a giant rotating crystal disco ball for my own tiny studio apartment in Baltimore. I don't say this often, but it's OK if it's a little bit smaller.

Both Jonathan and Scott share a queer aesthetic that blends pop culture references, sexuality and art.

Glimmer, according to Scott, "combines kinetic sculpture, video, and sound, by chronicling visions of the future through media from the past. The primary focus of this project involved the construction of a rotating mirrored crystal structure that is 6’ tall by 5’ in diameter. The crystal serves as a mash up between the crystal ball and a disco ball, by forecasting visions of the future in a setting that is referential to a dance floor. Four video projections reflect off of the crystal, enveloping the gallery in an optical swarm of video fragments that have the ability to cast viewers into a perceptual juxtaposition of meditation and nausea." . . . "See the future, not as a distant apocalyptic dystopia, but as a playful shimmering reality that you can shape."

Check out more of Jonathan's work HERE.

And more from Scott HERE.

LOST AND GOTH

2012-02-23T10:15:00.014-05:00

On my walk back from the gym early this morning a small piece of paper laying on the ground caught my attention. It simply read "Party Van". I flipped the piece of paper over, now badly damaged by countless tire treads and careless pedestrians, to discover that the note was, in fact, a photograph of a party van. A survey of the small parking lot near my apartment revealed more overturned photographs. Naturally, curiosity got the better of me. Sometimes curiosity doesn't kill the cat, it keeps em in Friskies. Gravy Sensations! What a good find!

Until Found Magazine comes a'knockin', I can share my new found treasure with you here.

Finding these photographs is right up there with the time I accidentally stumbled on a Goth wedding in a local Baltimore park. To set the appropriate mood, I also included a song from a CD I thrifted recently of music from Taiwan's indigenous minorities. I was listening to the song when I found the photographs. Oddly enough, they go nicely together. Hit play and scroll down.

The party van

GIVE IT ALL UP, EXCEPT. . .

2012-02-22T18:22:00.007-05:00

Top ten things to give up this Lent BESIDES Porn.

1. Cigs (there are plenty of fun substitutions).

2. Late night snacks (try late night sex . . . or my favorite, celery).

3. Fried food (doesn't mean you need to give up finger licking).

4. Church (unless you can handle the pews HERE).

5. Body hair removal (or in my case, body hair). Either way, it's always fun to change things up.

6. Sarcasm (Regale them with wit and wabbits instead).

7. Soda (unless you call it pop).

8. Biting your nails (cause a cheeky picture won't make this one any sexier, just a funny testimonial on CNN).

9. Tanning, cause no one wants this to happen to them:

10. Drunk dialing your evil ex. I, for one, find it much more gratifying to surrender my maturity. I may just have to hold on to this one. Gratification is exactly what Lent is about! Right?

BIRDS AND BEES AND ASHEY KNEES

2012-02-22T14:37:00.004-05:00

Take a good look boys and girls.

At least for the near term, my beard days have come to a close. I've decided to make two important sacrifices this Lent: facial hair and sex. OK, so the sex part doesn't quite come so voluntarily. The only time I seem to get laid these days is at work.

I might as well make it mean something right?

In addition to pleasing the Almighty (He IS a Jealous G-d), shaving my beard has presented its own unexpected perk. I've had three close friends in the last week alone comment on how much weight I've lost! Odd, since in every case I've gained weight (in muscle mass) from the last time I saw them. Just by clipping my whiskers, I've shaved off 5 years and 20 pounds. Who knew.

Next step: manscaping. Maybe I do have a six pack after-all! It's just hiding beneath my prodigious belly fur.

While surrendering my facial hair hopefully pleases the Man Upstairs, I'm not so sure how my sacrifice makes artist Justin Russo feel. Russo recently completed this masterful portrait of me for his own series of drawings of boys (and men) with beards in the New York City area. I don't tend to give myself much praise but DAMN! Beautiful job Justin, a phenomenal memento to remember my hirsute youth.

A special thank you to photographer Gustavo Monroy for graciously providing the source material.

I SEE PENIS: ICE

2012-02-21T10:51:00.000-05:00

For those of us in the northern hemisphere, winter is slugging along. I don't know about everybody else but I'm ready for sunny days and hot nights. Blog reader Dimitris from Athens sent a good reminder about perserverance. In Athens, on hot August days, summer revelers freeze bottles of water and drink from them throughout the day. It's evidence that as long as you keep sucking on just about anything, you'll eventually get results. So we'll keep on keeping on (while the Aussies and Argentines enjoy their summer) for a few more months 'til we're in the throws of summer again and need an ice penis pop just as badly as Dimitris' friend does in this photo.

OH LÀ LÀ INKED

2012-02-20T14:30:00.000-05:00

There's no name I like saying more than artist and frequent BSD contributor Laurent Champoussin. Try it yourself-- it's a lot of fun! What a great surprise to find in my inbox at bigshoediaries@gmail.com a series of inked portraits of yours truly.

Drip!

I SEE PENIS: PONYTAIL

2012-02-20T11:22:00.000-05:00

Thanks to BSD reader, Ivan for sending this picture of his friend along. She constructed this masterpiece inadvertently during a lecture. This makes me even more jealous of the long-haired people of the world...so much to work with!

COLBY'S TUMBLER TUMBLR

2012-02-19T17:33:00.000-05:00

Who isn't in love with tumblr.com? It's a great blogging platform with a heavy emphasis on photos and images and, at least from what I can tell, a host of engaged creatives who like to turn static images into animated gifs. I've decided to tumble in a bit and have a series of photos of tumblers that I'll be posting over the next few months. So if you like pics of porn stars in thrift stores perusing tumbler collections, you'll like my tumblr.

KOKI-"COLBY"-GAMI: HEAD WOUND

2012-02-18T08:29:00.001-05:00

Lil Colby has certainly seen his far share of "hard"ship. After receiving a wicked sunburn this weekend (Baltimore's harsh winter sunshine can be brutal), Matthew from "Naked Pictures of Your Dad" blew lil Colby's brains out! Or at least blew his load all over lil Colby's face, creating an inadvertent amalgam of man jam and LaserJet ink. Somebody call a man-bulance!

I SEE PENIS: PRAYER

2012-02-17T15:31:00.000-05:00

Its Friday boys! Know what time it is? That's right. Get on your knees. It's time to pray.

Forward your fatwahs to BSD fan "Mybighands" who recently discovered this I SEE PENIS and sent it in to BigShoe HQ. For all you irreligious atheists out there, fuck the fatwah, and send your tithes to Minister Colby X.

BETTER WRITERS MAKE ME JEALOUS (AND PROUD)

2012-02-17T10:21:00.000-05:00

What is the world coming to? I learned from The Rules of Attraction(or was it Queer Theory 101) that gay men get bashed because they desire straight men who can't sober up who desire lesbians who love writing letters who desire straight women who always end up getting screwed. The gaze goes like this gay men - straight men - lesbian women - straight women (and everyone else gets left on the sidelines).

The folks at OUT.com know about this pattern too, which is probably why they were surprised to notice that a relatively mainstream website like Salon(if mainstream for you is liberal-leaning investigative news, smart op-eds and culture pieces site) would cover a nerdy gay porn star's blog and his readers' crowd-sourced I SEE PENIS submissions before a big gay media outlet jumped on the proverbial phallus.

The amazingly-named Alex Taylor Williams and his editor, Adam Rathe (who was an editor at NY Press when they had me head over to a Jeff Koons exhibit with one of their writers for an art column) coined some pretty awesome phrases for their blog piece and now I'm jealous (and grateful) that I didn't come up with them first.

Here's a section, but the rest is on OUT.com's blog Popnography (just one R away from my own profession):

Salon profiles gay porn star and smartypants(less) blogger Keller

Sometimes gay porn is a lot to handle. The raunch and the fantasy that we crave often clashes with our own realities. However, as gay culture slowly, uh, inches toward the mainstream, the porn industry is becoming very different from the one we grew up with.

His blog, Big Shoe Diaries, is notable for being stimulating for your brain (in addition to, well, you know) and is deservedly getting some attention, thanks not only to the sexy photos but to smart writing and features like "I See Penis," which tracks phallic shapes in the world.

Look look! There I am next to Michael Ian Black telling everyone he'll have sex with anyone in exchange for the right drugs and Fran Drescher demanding that you get gay-married!

And in other former Sean Cody porn star "where-are-they-now" breaking news from OUT.com, some of us are also capable of murder. "Cum face" and mug shot aren't that far off are they?

RUN, RABBIT, RUN

2012-02-17T07:20:00.000-05:00

Some perceptive readers may have noticed the sudden disappearance of one very familiar wascally wabbit. Unfortunately, that particular bunny had to hop back in his hole. Come Spring he may just pop his lil' head up once again in search of carrots.

Til then, enjoy this video of the Swedish sheep herding bunny Champis, set to the classic 40s hit "Run, Rabbit Run" by Flanagan and Allen.

I SEE PENIS: PUP

2012-02-16T16:15:00.000-05:00

It looks like the most adWORable I SEE PENIS post of all time has a run for its money. I'm pretty sure this isn't a stuffed toy, as I first suspected, but a puppy. My guess? A Lhasa Apso.

A special thank you to all four different blog readers who sent this picture in today. If I had a litter of pups, you'd get first pick.

GAY FACE DECODER?

2012-02-16T07:54:00.001-05:00

It turns out hand size may tell us something about men after-all. Or at least the size of our fingers.

The ratio between the index finger and the ring finger, often called the 2D:4D ratio, seems to provide a tell-tale indication of the precise cocktail of developmental hormones present in the womb. Hormones, in addition to genes, affect the growth of hands and certain facial features. Recent research indicates that boys with a low ratio between digits, with an index finger shorter than their ring finger, experienced higher levels of testosterone in the womb, while a high ratio indicates a reduced presence of in utero testosterone. The lower the ratio the more "robust" (i.e. "masculine") the boy's face.

While this seems to provide the perfect explanation of "gay face" (low levels of in utero testosterone), other research suggests the opposite. An unusually high level of in utero testosterone (and a low 2D:4D ratio) has been linked to both homosexuality and left-handedness. I, for example, am both. Other studies suggest in utero testosterone levels also influence penis size, with more testosterone producing larger penises.

So which is it Science? Low testosterone and gay face or more testosterone and homos?

I SEE PENIS: KEEP YOUR TIE IN CHECK

2012-02-15T13:45:00.003-05:00

I don't know about you, but I'm always dipping my tie in my soup. Here's the perfect solution for fans of Big Shoe Diaries' now famous I SEE PENIS series - a tie tack lapel pin to keep your tie in place. Oh, and you can impress your friends and co-workers because it looks like a penis. They'll all be split pea green with penis envy. Place your bids on Ebay now!

AUTO-EROTIC ENCOMIUM

2012-02-14T22:00:00.002-05:00

"I DON'T NEED YOU!"

10PM. . . Closing time. This is the part of Valentine's Day where I scarf down 3 Chipotle burritos in a vague attempt to fill the void and staunch the loneliness. I've had so much pico de gallo I'm starting to hallucinate a personal panegyric to my penis. . . Who says it takes two to tango? It takes one to make a taco! All you need is a firm grip and a healthy handful of chorizo.

For all you lonely hearts out there, break out the lube! Nobody says you can't have a romantic night for one. If you need some visual assistance, hop on to Randy Blue Live. I may just make a personal appearance. Just remember, I gotta pay for those burritos somehow. I DO need you. ;-)

BOX O' COCKLET

2012-02-14T15:14:00.002-05:00

Celebrate this holiday season in style with the BBC, or, if you prefer, cock of a different chocolate.

I SEE PENIS: VALENTINE'S DAY CARD

2012-02-14T11:12:00.000-05:00

Thought I would stop with two cards? Follow the arrow to the orgy. Happy Valentine's Day!

MULTIPLE CHOICE

2012-02-14T07:53:00.000-05:00

I love the internet! I love the internet SO MUCH because it allows me to talk to you. . . my billions and Billions and BILLIONS of faceless fans! I also love the internet (and Google image search) for showing me minor memes I didn't know existed, like this sudsy heart-butt. Both images have their own special graphic appeal. Valentine's Day sucks for one particular reason: I can never pick a card! I usually just give up and make my own. Today I just can't choose, so you'll have to do the hard work for me. Pick a butt and it's yours. . . And thank you for being my friend. COLBY LOVES YOU!

ROCKET TO VENUS: VALENTINE'S DAY COLBY SPECIAL ON ROCKET TUBE TOMORROW

2012-02-13T21:00:00.010-05:00

The folks at RocketTube are amping up their social media game with new series of interviews on their blog called Twelve Play. Tomorrow on everyone's favorite (or least favorite) lovey-dovey day, they'll be featuring a short interview with me. The blog has some fun stuff on it (not to mention RocketTube's awesome video content), so check it out and Happy VD!

LOVE IS LIKE A VAMPIRE

2012-02-13T16:43:00.003-05:00

Made all the more disturbing by Hairy Monster Cock's syphilitic "eye", this odd and confusing hand-drawn comic brought to mind tomorrow's impending "holiday". . . . Love is a battlefield. . . And, apparently, a VD.

FUNDS ARE WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR

2012-02-13T09:43:00.000-05:00

"Friend of Colby" Justin has a long list of projects and talents to recommend him, including "Obscene Interiors" an online catalog of amateur porn interior-design faux pas, a recent appearance on the Norwegian reality show Alt for Norge, a comfy couch I've had the pleasure to know on more than one extended LA layover, and-- according to reliable sources-- what amounts to quite an impressive todger. Like all poor creative types, it's hard to make your dreams come true without a little help from your friends (and your friend's friends). For all its democratic potential, art, like politics, takes money.

In addition to designing a series of impressive (and time-intensive) paintings, Justin is in the final stages of completing a new zine, COP DAD. Zines don't print themselves and Justin needs help securing the funds to pay for a small run. Put down that box of cheap chocolates. This Valentine's Day, give the gift of art (and fine writing). . . to your partner and the world! Need more convincing? Check out the video below. And after you do, click on Cop Dad's Kickstart page. 23 days to go and 1/3 the way there. . .

BOYS OF BUTT: DISCODROMO

2012-02-12T15:40:00.002-05:00

"Friend of Colby" Bobby paints a new boy from the Butt Magazine calendar once a week. Surely today's offering can claim the best gay name EVER: DISCODROMO.

I SEE VAGINA: BRUNCH

2012-02-12T08:58:00.003-05:00

Perennial blog favorite and Colby Kokigami inventor J. Bone doesn't normally spend his days in search of the "fairer sex" (and their "fairer" genitalia) yet he couldn't help but notice the "big ol' hairy vulva" inscribed on his brunch plate. As one might expect, J. Bone proudly reports that his eggs and rosti were delicious. Well, of course! There's a little bit of mamma in every bite.

BIG SHOE DIARIES' NAMESAKE PASSES: WELL SORT OF...

2012-02-11T15:00:00.006-05:00

It's sad but true. Zalman King lost his battle with cancer last week, and with him a little part of Big Shoe Diaries dies--the name part. Big Shoe Diaries is of course a special Colby-ism of the famous erotic series King was best known for, in addition of course to his direction of the beautifully erotic Wild Orchid. The series was The Red Shoe Diaries and ran on Cinemax (also known as Skinemax on late weekend nights to many a randy 13 year old boy living before the days of internet porn). Narrated by a Colby favorite, David Duchovny, the Red Shoe Diaries was a celebration of the anonymous and the erotic of urban space in the emotionally detached 90s.

We will remember you fondly, Mr. King. Thank you for engaging our minds while we engaged our boners.

COLBY CALLS CTHULHU, COLLECT

2012-02-11T08:12:00.002-05:00

On my recent trip to Providence, I made sure to stop off at the local cemetery. What could be more fun in the dead of winter than a brisk walk over hundreds of long-gone Rhode Islanders (It wasn't my idea). Misanthropic desperation building, I took to my knees in prayer to summon Cthulhu, the aquatic monster who rises from the depths to ravage mankind in H.P. Lovecraft's classic short story. It turns out H.P. was right in front of me all along (or, rather, beneath me).

Celebrity aside, other fun corpses of note kept me quick on my toes, including a few with odd shaped headstones, one very swish "Leonard", cleverly camped out in an emphatic pink quartz cenotaph, and a few others. Given some of their surnames, I felt in good company. Porn stars have to die too right?

Cthulhu didn't pick up, but maybe with the collective help of my new found friends. . . :

The corpse formally known as Leonard.

Circles and stones may break my bones. . .

. . . and cubes. . .

A House is not a Home (PLEASE click on this link!)

That's "Goco", not Coco!

If only her last name were Summer it would be perfect.

I C SEE MEN: PENCIL SHARPENER

2012-02-10T15:46:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty sure if you manage to stick your penis in this one, a certain liquid will indeed come out, but it likely won't be "kum". German humor aside, you can't find a better pencil sharpener. It even comes with replaceable blades!

I SEE PENIS: HOOKWORM

2012-02-10T08:02:00.000-05:00

Frequent BSD contributing artist, illustrator, Colby Kokigami creator, and all around maven, J. bone also maintains a firm interest in veterinary medicine (or at least cute boys that practice veterinary medicine). A "friend" recently gave him a calendar of veterinary parasites. Yes boys, that's what you call a come-on. Or a hookworm as it may be. Either way, somebody is getting the "rubber glove" tonight!

GET IN BED WITH COLBY KELLER @ MANHUNT DAILY

2012-02-09T14:00:00.000-05:00

What? Did you know I'm a sexpert now??? Of course you knew. And I'll be taking questions over at the great blog run by the folks at Manhunt for a new video project on their site. Basically, readers come up with questions about sex, porn, sex, love, sex, life, sex and...uh, sex and I answer them. Take a look at the call to arms and send some questions my way!http://manhuntdaily.com/2012/02/get-in-bed-with-colby-keller/

KOORTWAH: AN INTERVIEW WITH KARL MARXXX AND NYC SHOW SATURDAY

2012-02-09T06:00:00.003-05:00

KARL MARXXX: We've been big fans of your work at Big Shoe Diaries for some time and we've noticed that your sound has evolved a lot in the past couple of years. Has that been an intentional or conscious part of your search for the KOORTWAH sound?

KOORTWAH: Thanks, guys. It's always nice to hear from you.

As far as the evolution of my sound goes, I think the adjustments and adaptations have certainly been intentional. I would wager, or at least hope, that most artists are constantly seeking to push their work in new and improved directions. These current songs, which will comprise my debut album, are definitely the first that I've been personally happy with, and in as much willing to really put out there and stand behind. That being said, I've already started working on my next album, and am very excited about the progression represented by those songs. The same goes for the video content, which has been greatly refined since I last saw you. I hope to always be moving forward, if only by my own standards.

KM: Tell us again about the name, KOORTWAH.

KOORTWAH: KOORTWAH is really just a phonetic spelling of my extremely French last name. Native English speakers almost never pronounce my last name correctly. I decided, however, that despite (or perhaps because of) a tumultuous childhood, I wanted to use my real last name, or a form of it, so I figured I would provide a more user-friendly version: KOORTWAH.

KM: Will you be performing on stage solo again? Do you foresee yourself collaborating with other musicians in the future?

KOORTWAH: Performing on stage solo was kind of limiting, and I much prefer feeling like I'm part of a band, regardless of how small that band may be. I'll be playing the next few shows with Monica Lionheart on the drums, and I'm not opposed to adding a keyboardist in the future, or having my drummer play keys as well.

KM: What are you listening to right now?

KOORTWAH: A lot of Emmylou Harris (Red Dirt Girl, Wrecking Ball), Yelle, Michael Nyman, Alison Krauss/Robert Plant, Robyn, and Hole. I think, actually, that if you were to listen to all that stuff at once, you'd get a pretty good idea of why I make the music I make.

KM: What can people expect at your show** on Saturday?

** New Yorkers can catch KOORTWAH at RockBar Saturday, February 11th at 10:30 p.m., 185 Christopher Street, No Cover (listed).

KOORTWAH: It'll be a short, sweet little set. I'm still working on the video content for it, and it will be interesting to see how the video works in that kind of space. As I mentioned before, the beautiful Monica Lionheart will be on the drums, and I'll be singing, naturally, and playing guitar. Rock Bar is a great little venue with a fun crowd and cheap drinks, so everyone should come check it out.

V DAY TRUPPLE TROUBLE

2012-02-08T16:20:00.001-05:00

As many of you already know, I am a fierce believer in the Testimony of Plural Marriage given to the Prophet Joseph Smith Junior in 1843. While the recent decision handed down by the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in California declaring "Prop 8" unconstitutional might bode well for gay marriage, we've still got a long ways to go before the state recognizes plural relationships-- gay, straight and everything in between. Huffington Post's DC bureau recently sat down with psychotherapist and sex advice columnist Tamara Pincus to discuss her own poly-amorous relationships and the specific challenges presented by one of capitalism's most noxious reifications of commercial exploitation: Valentine's Day. I won't reveal too much, but her answers shouldn't surprise you. While not entirely out to her neighbors, Pincus doesn't take the holiday seriously and neither, perhaps, should you.

For more, read the whole interview HERE.

If you have a short attention span like me, watch this fascinating video that accompanied the piece instead. Don't worry, for those of you that might find it challenging to identify with "heteros", an older gay couple in search of a girlfriend (preferably trans) make a brief appearance. The hilarious "recreations" alone are well worth a watch:

I SEE PENIS: JACK RUSSELL

2012-02-08T07:48:00.001-05:00

Finally! The perfect best friend for "Lil Colby". And I thought I was cute!!!!

Thanks to blog reader Ed for sending this one in. . . The most adWORable I SEE PENIS of all time!

WASHABLE, WEARABLE

2012-02-07T15:46:00.002-05:00

"Washable Sins" from Pornceptual. . .

I SEE PENIS: LACMA

2012-02-07T07:58:00.001-05:00

Open up and swallow! . . . Art for the orally inclined. "Mars" by the circle of Hendrick de Keyser, c.1600, Utrecht. On view at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.

ALL THAT GLITTERS IS. . .

2012-02-06T16:23:00.002-05:00

Thanks to "Boy with Beard" Rikki, I found these inspiring photos on art porn site site Pornceptual.

BOYS WITH BEARDS: RIKKI

2012-02-06T07:52:00.001-05:00

Be on the look out for Rikki, the handsome young buck above, in a city near you. A modern day nomad, Rikki has at various times in his relatively short life called Chicago, Alabama, Indiana, Atlanta, New York and Los Angeles home. He's also an accomplished performance artist, a model and a rapper.

A special note to any readers in the "biz": Rikki would also like to break into porn. From what I understand, he makes quite the talented bottom. To get deeper inside Rikki, check out his Tumblr.

TEBOW ON THE PORN SET

2012-02-05T15:49:00.001-05:00

In honor of America's favorite pass-time, I concluded my recent porn shoot for Cocksuremen.com with an homage to the Denver Bronco's virgin quarterback Tim Tebow, whose propensity for kneeling in prayer on the football field has sparked its own internet meme. For the sake of a clever rhyme, I managed a few additional poses on a recent trip to Rhode Island. What could be more appropriate than a "Tebow in the grotto"? In Providence no less?

"Tebow in the Grotto"

Getting closer to Thee: "Tebow on a pedestal"

NO CROSS, NO CROWN

2012-02-05T07:40:00.001-05:00

Sometimes the collective weight of trials and tribulations we each face daily can feel like a burden too heavy to bear.

My body has certainly suffered a beating lately. A few weeks back, on a brief fly-over to Rhode Island, a flight attendant inadvertently slammed the drink trolley straight into my left elbow, aggravating an old sport's injury. I've been in a brace for weeks. To top it off, I've also started an intense new 4 week routine at the gym: 2 hour a day, 6 days a week! Not to mention cramps from hours spent drawing dirt piles.

No harm, no fowl. I'll get better.

Whatever your trials and tribulations, be they obstinate, amorous, physical or fiduciary always remember: no cross, no crown.

Sing it Brother Cleveland:

That concludes today's sermon.

I SEE PENIS: POUNDING THE PAVEMENT

2012-02-04T18:30:00.000-05:00

This I SEE PENIS submission from reader, John (@wohn on Twitter) suggests a very different meaning for the phrase "pounding the pavement." Thought I've always preferred the open field to the concrete jungle, this might make me think twice before complaining about human encroachment on natural habitats while listening to Joni Mitchell croon about parking lots. If a paved paradise existed, surely it would be covered in penises.

PORNSCAPES

2012-02-03T15:33:00.001-05:00

The still life, the portrait, the landscape: each a persistent trope in art's long march from religious propaganda to market-driven cultural "capital". In recording his own sex life on film from 1999 to 2005, artist Pierre Radisic blurs the boundaries between "still-life", "landscape" and "self-portrait", transforming his own body and that of his female partner into an exotic, erotic sexscape, full of mountains and valleys and fountains and barren tree stumps.

His work reminds me of a similar set of auto-erotic self-portrait "landscapes" I took of myself with my own 35 millimeter when I was 18. I tried to dig them out of storage but unfortunately couldn't find the prints. Good thing too, cause Radisic's work perfectly captures what my naive attempt could only hope to master. There is only so much one boy can do with low lighting and fleshly thighs.

For more from Radisic's "Pornscapes", including a short video of his work which aired on Toronto's SexTV click HERE.

I SEE PENIS: TALLEST EVEN-TOED UNGULATE

2012-02-03T07:49:00.004-05:00

Colby megacrush Rachel Maddow sees things differently, including what members of her own "staff" might otherwise define as "Primary" peen. Tallahassee brings to mind a lot of things. What do you see?

HARE NOT BEAR: COLBY'S CARROT

2012-02-02T14:23:00.006-05:00

An incredibly handsome, talented, intelligent friend who would like to remain anonymous recently snuck down my bunny hole to capture this beautiful soft-focus footage of a very familiar wabbit playing with his carrot.

Are you a handsome, horny little fucker eager to star in your own homemade art-porn?

Do you live in NYC? Or plan to visit soon?

Mr. Anonymous is on the lookout for more models. Drop me a line and I'll hook you up: bigshoediaries@gmail.com

I SEE PENIS: SAD BALLOON

2012-02-02T07:55:00.001-05:00

Poor Mr. Balloon.

The courtesy of a gentle pop certainly could have eased his acceptance of the trash heap.

Compliments of Twitter follower David Rey.

BOYS WITH BEARDS: JOSH De FRANCE

2012-02-01T15:56:00.001-05:00

The above stud lives in France but goes by the online anglophone appellation "Josh". Josh enjoys drinking (preferably a Cosmopolitan or white wine). His best feature, when asked, include his eyes. When prompted to pick a favored "boy" body part in general, Josh would choose the butt. Preferred porn star? Francois Sagat. Particularly when topping.

Bruised ego aside, I'll give Josh points for continuity. :-) It always feels nice to add evidence to accusation.

And yes, if you checked the blog earlier, I did spell "Beards" as "Bears"... although Boys with Bears could be a fun post, right Christopher Robin?

COLBY DOPPELGANGER: POOLSIDE PARENT

2012-02-01T08:30:00.004-05:00

If only my dad had a jaw like this!

Thanks to BSD reader and BigDickConnoisseur cocksure1971 for submitting the Colby doppelganger above.

If you like bountiful, beautiful cock, you'll love his tumblr. Take for instance, the following masterpieces:

COLBY IN THE CUPBOARD

2012-01-31T08:08:00.001-05:00

A lesser known perk of porn proffers a particularly profuse pay-out if you live clear across the country: frequent flyer miles.

Unfortunately, I rarely get booked on the same airline twice.

On my last trip to LA, I cashed in the entirety of my meager American Airlines account to book myself an extra day at a cheap motel in one of LA's sketchier parts of town. What can I say? It reminded me of home.

Horny porn star, a sun-drenched California January and a king-size bed. . . Let me stop your imagination from taking you too far. A balls-to-the-wall motel fuck-fest was not in the cards. Nary a soul in SOCAL managed to satisfy lil' Colby's thirst for adventure. "The art of cruising", online and otherwise, has never been my forté-- particularly in the city of angels. I only get laid on camera these days. Thank god there was a handy black box to shut myself in and cry the pain away. . .

Jumping on the bed also seemed to do the trick.

Who knew you could have so much fun in a pillow fight for one.

Photos courtesy of Gabe Ayala and a special "styling" thank you to Mario Diaz for access to a generous wardrobe.

LENIN: LA LOVE STORY

2012-01-30T10:06:00.000-05:00

There may be no unlikelier lover in all of Los Angeles than Vladamir Ilyich Lenin, yet I managed to find him (and a diminutive transsexual Chairman Mao) at the corner of La Brea and 4th Street. The sculpture is part of an installation celebrating Peter Noever's 25 years in the curation biz. Noted hugging enthusiasts "The Gao Brothers" title the piece "Miss Mao Trying to Poise Herself on the Top of Lenin's Head".

BOYS WITH BEARDS: GREG EVIGAN (SOME 80S HIGH FIVIN')

2012-01-29T11:25:00.000-05:00

Mmmm....everyone remember Greg Evigan from My Two Dads??? This bearded hottie was the quintessential close clopped 80s beard guy. And so handsome. You can just see the beginnings of beards in Hollywood and the early stirrings of Jason Priestly's 90210.

And did you know he was almost Riker from Star Trek Next Generation? Had that happened, I would be an even bigger geek than I am today. Oh and he was really young once too...

My Two Dads...the gayest sitcom of the 80s...